Wednesday, August 11, 2010


"Happiness hit her like a train on a track." (Florence & the Machine)

I took my own advice and started celebrating my lack of control. I put my control along with my passport into an envelope and shipped it to the British Consulate in Los Angeles. And I physically felt the stress leave my body. Happiness beyond any I've known (and without any precipitant event) really did hit me like a train. So did the blessings. Suddenly, I'm practically drowning in an abundance of love and support. The numerous, daily miracles are pouring in. I landed in Texas without any luggage and quite literally just the clothes on my back. I was, therefore, thrilled to discover one pair of clean underwear somehow overlooked at my parents' house, along with deodorant, facial soap and makeup. My bed is here and the sheets are clean. There were a few pieces of clothing in my closet that I didn't remember leaving here. My friends from my old job threw me a party last night. I feel an outpouring of gratitude for the opportunity to come visit my hometown and see my family and friends at a time unexpected. Since I'm not working, I have the time to spend with them that I didn't have before I left. I have time to pet the cat, take a nap, and eat tomatoes from the garden. I have found a way to finance my return to Scotland. A nice man gave me free juice. The list goes on and on . . .

I believe that my sense of control was clouding my vision from all the blessings around me. This experience has become profoundly beneficial for my well being rather than meaningless chaos. So to the American government, for stalling my financial aid process, and to the British government for necessitating a trip across the pond: Thank you! Most importantly, thank you to all my loved ones for the emotional support. You raise me up.

Song of the Day: The Dog Days are Over by Florence & The Machine


  1. Wow, darling!

    Even in your, especially in your struggles, you inspire me. Of course there's an outpour of love. You are one of the greatest generators of love I know.

    I'm glad I get to see you on this pause.